Crazy

So, me & a couple friends hit up Buffalo Wild Wings on 1604 & 281 after work tonight. My first drink had a fly in it (which was pointed out to me only after I drank it), and the waitress offered a free drink.

This drink was followed by a shot of rum and then a Wild Punch which had like five different liquors in it. Nice. I passed my drink around for my friends to taste, and when it got to Chris, well, I am not sure what happened. Either I let go before he had it or something. He said the glass was slippery. That drink spilled all over me.

So the waitress comes over and Chris is offering to buy me another drink and she goes back to get it and then comes back and says that the manager told her to come talk to us and for appearances she had to tell us that generally they don't replace spilled drinks.

Hello? No one asked for a free drink because of the spilled drink. We knew that was our fault.

Let me tell you, Chris is a little firecracker. I thought he was going to set that place on fire. So, after 3 drinks (and a sip), we left, smoked a cigarette in the parking lot, and went our separate ways.

Now I remember why I stopped going drinking out. Oh wait, that sentence was supposed to come later.



I'm on my way home, and I see flashing lights behind me. I am 100% positive there was not enough alcohol in my system to inhibit my drinking (obviously, since it's not enough to inhibit my spelling), but for one horrifying moment, I pictured myself being arrested and losing everything.

But the cop tore past me and screeched to a halt next to a truck that was stopped at the light. Then she pulls in front of the truck (which is already back saddled by another cop), gets out of her car, and they proceed to start banging on the windows of the truck. She then pulls out her stick (what is that thing called? billy stick?) and bashed the window in.

I so wish I knew the story behind that.

Oh. Now is the sentence.

Now I remember why I stopped going out to drink. Yes. Don't get me wrong, my friends are awesome, but all I feel right now is that I wasted $20 and pretty stupid for doing what I said I would never do again: drive after drinking. Add that to the fact that I live 42 miles away, and that equals a pretty stupid Jessi.

But I've been living by myself for going on 4 months now, and this is the first time in my life that I have lived by myself, so I suppose I am entitled to one stupid mistake, and thank you, God, it didn't cost me.

I am sitting here, writing this blog, wishing I had just come home and talked to John on the phone because now he's sleeping and I miss him like hell and I just can't wait until he comes home because then I'll never be lonely again.

I've learned a lot in the last year and half of my life. A lot about life. A lot about myself. I wouldn't trade anything with the exception that my son was hurt in the accident, I wish it had all been me and he had walked away unscathed. Hell. I would have broken all the bones I did three times over if it had meant he didn't have to go through what he did. But I can't change that.

I think that after the miscarriage, it was good that I was alone, because I have had time to grieve. I have had time to get to know myself and understand who I am without a man defining me. But it is going to be great to come home and crawl into John's arms and know that these tragic, sorrowful, broken days are behind me.



On a weird note, my eye is still twitching. I don't know where the twitch came from, but it's driving me mad. I can feel it on the bottom part of my eye where the lashes are. Twitching twitching twitching.

I am listening to POE's Haunted, pondering the meaning of my life, looking forward to Friday, May 14, 2010, like it's the beginning of my life.

I am literally shaking with breathless anticipation. No matter what I've done in my past, no matter what has been done to me, I drop all my regrets and bitter remorse and forgive all and hope all has been forgiven and pray I can be everything to the man who saw me through the darkest days of my life.



♥John Burchett♥